Death and loss are inevitable parts of our existence, and grief is a natural process, the way we adapt to a fundamental change in the people and experiences we are attached to. Although therapists may think they know how to work with grief by using their general therapeutic skills, the theoretical model provided here, and the various techniques demonstrated are going to help them become more effective in working with grief, allowing them to accomplish a lot in a short period of time without that sense of getting stuck in the client’s pain and confusion.

For Neimeyer, the fundamental tasks of therapy with grieving clients include bracing (supporting them in the face of a story that has eroded the foundation of their life), pacing (guiding them along without re-traumatizing them by hurrying) and facing (prolonged exposure while we accompany them). Rather than helping clients relinquish their attachment to the lost loved one, you will learn how to reaffirm their attachment security to the deceased and make meaning of their loss. You will become not only inspired and affirmed, but more creative and spontaneous in grief therapy as you watch him work live with grieving clients.

In this first volume, you’ll be introduced to the following clients:

Carolyn is stuck in both the event story and relational complications surrounding the loss of her father to COVID during the pandemic, under circumstances where she could not be with him. Despite not being present, she is plagued by vivid images of his death and struggles with emotional regulation. After establishing a safe environment for Carolyn to share her story, Neimeyer picks up on cues that indicate her grief is further complicated by her relationship with her dad, as well as the necessary demands of the outside world.

Erica is reeling in the aftermath of her military husband’s suicide death. Together with Neimeyer, she shifts between three strands of the story surrounding this horrific loss: the external narrative (what’s actually happening), the internal narrative (what’s happening within her emotionally as she tries to make sense of the event), and the reflexive narrative (her attempt to make meaning of what’s happening and the unresolved questions that remain).

Christina and her husband were living in the Philippines when COVID descended on the world. Unable to travel home to Europe to give birth to triplets conceived through fertility treatments, the couple lost two of their three babies — one in utero, and another, Melina, post-partum after contracting a deadly bacterium from the equipment used to express Christina’s breastmilk. The remaining child, Zoe, suffered irremediable brain damage from the same bacteria that claimed the life of her sister, Melina. Unable to see or hold her babies, or visit with her husband due to forced bed rest and COVID restrictions, Christina was alone and reeling from her losses. Through presence and deep compassion, Neimeyer steers close by her side as she braids a narrative of grief tinged with grievance as well as gratitude and struggles to find her identity now that the narrative of grief dominates.

Loretta, age 80, while described by Neimeyer as a “case study in adaptive grieving,” is stuck in the aftermath of the loss of her husband of 56 years. Here she introduces us to her husband, Lou, and with Neimeyer’s gentle prompts, paints a picture of him so clear you can almost see him by her side. Clearly Loretta cherishes and takes pride in the story of Lou’s life, braided together with her own. But aside from taking consolation in memory, how can she actively draw on the relationship as a resource in the present and leaning into the future?

Lisa is grieving her only child, Ray Ray, who was murdered in a convenience store shortly before she began therapy with Neimeyer’s colleague, Carolyn Ng, whom we join in their third session. There she struggles to understand why, in the absence of any seeming motive, he was killed, and it soon becomes clear how tightly woven her identity was with Ray Rays. Ng compassionately supports her as she questions who she is now that she’s no longer Ray Ray’s mom.

Regardless of your therapeutic orientation and fear of feeling overwhelmed by the emotional weight of grief therapy, you will guide these clients confidently and effectively forward along their journey of grief.